“I’ve got 99 uses, but the trash ain’t one.” -Jewel grocery bags
Okay. Let’s think about this. Really? 99? I’m willing to bet I’m as creative as the ad agency on this one, yet, I can’t possibly think of 99 uses for a heavy plastic bag. But damn if I’m not gonna try.
- To put stuff in.
- To wear when pants are torn, a la Linda from Bob’s Burgers.
- To wear on head to keep hair dry in pool, like the crazy lady who taught with me my first year at the J.
- On that note, to suffocate people with. (We were always a little worried when that lady put her hair up, because she started with it over her whole face.)
- To line ice chests that have been in the basement so you can procrastinate washing them.
- I suppose if there are enough of them, they could be a pillow.
- Or a blanket.
- Sleeping bag for Barbie.
- Yard waste bag for Barbie.
- House for Hard Times Barbie™
- Musical instrument!
- Food plates/bowls?
- Barf bag.
- Dry erase board
You know what? I’m going to stop there. These are not good reasons, and I could probably think of more dumb reasons, so I’ll give it to them. However, I’m going to revise their statement:
“I’ve got 99 uses, if you really reach, and the trash is probably one of the better ones, but please recycle instead. Yay bags!”
But I can see why they went with the former.