Amy Gorelow

“Amy, we hate you. Go away.”

That was one of my origin stories. On Field Day, after moving around the bleachers for different seating, I was not getting the hint that three people were trying to move away from me.* So one of the three (we’ll call her Veronica) said those words that have stuck with me for the rest of my life.

And they affected everything. A ton of wonderful conversations have ended abruptly with me saying, “Anyway, I just wanted to say that and now I’ll get out of your way.” Relationships could have gone deeper but I didn’t want to bother them. Living with myself in my head, just knowing that people were only hanging around me to be nice, and if they had an excuse of any kind, they’d leap at the chance to get away.

I’m aware that I’m not the only person with this origin story. Some people don’t even get a concrete experience like I had; they just assume that this is the way it is. I guess this little post is for me and those people.

Last week, I was in Palm Springs for Ronny and Andi’s narrator retreat**. And I was nervous and anxious. But that first night, I let myself be. I was fully me. And I was comfortable. I was glowing. And everyone took me in without judgement, and with love.

The whole weekend was like that. Surrounded by my people, who were kind and understanding and mine.

Something I would go back and tell Little Me is that everyone has people out there. Lots of different kinds of people. And one of the delicacies of life is to go on a scavenger hunt to find those people.

And sure, there will be some people slamming doors in your face, or nobody home in some cases, or people who speak another language in flat monotone and don’t bother using their hands, but that’s ok. They’ll find their people, too.

I have found mine. Under rocks, in subway stations, and now in the heat of the desert. I’m gonna collect some more, and do what I can to use my little communities to make the world prettier. And I have people to help me. Thanks, My People.

 

 

 

*Why? Who knows. I’m fucking delightful.

**Which was absolutely delicious.