The most incredible thing I’ve ever seen posted on Facebook was a work of comedic genius.

A guy from high school posted an article written by a male doctor on how to clean a vagina.

And he was WRONG.*

My mind was blown. He couldn’t have been serious, right? I mean, here is this inception of males, instructing us on how to take care of our own bodies. I had so many responses to that, I didn’t know where to begin.

I supposed with the benefit of the doubt. This was too good to not be a joke. In which case, it would have been appropriate to say, “Well DONE, Sir! You had me going there! You got me good. This is a work of comic genius, and I salute You, the King of Irony. Thank you for your service.”

But I didn’t actually have such faith in that, and in the responses was nothing to indicate it was anything other than a sincere attempt to…I wanna say…help? And if I was absolutely sure it was serious, I would have said, “You do hear and see yourself, right? Because I’m seeing you, and first off, let me applaud your chutzpah. Second of all, nobody asked you, dude. And finally, vaginas are like my oven: SELF-CLEANING. If you don’t like the state of someone else’s vagina, you are under no obligation to visit one! So grow up, but until then, you can literally go fuck yourself. Love ya mean it!**”

So I wasn’t sure either way. So just to be safe, I said very clearly, “Don’t EVER put soap in your vagina.”

Did I miss an opportunity? Was I vehement enough? Did I keep even a single woman from soaping up her cooter?

I’ll never know.

 

 

*Soap. In your vagina. Why are men allowed to be doctors?    #notallmenIknowIknow

**I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have said this last part.